Sunday, December 8, 2013

Great Gift for the Beer Lover in your Life

The holidays are upon us, unless you celebrate Hannukah which just past and now you're waiting for Purim (which, for your reference coincides with Valentine's Day), but that's not really the focus of this post.  The holidays are time for giving.  And what is the best gift to give?

Besides a "What's best in life?" t-shirt?  Beer, obviously.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Thoughts on Alcatraz Brewing Closing

Recently, Alcatraz Brewing located the Block at Orange Outlets at Orange closed its doors leaving the following note on their website:

On behalf of the Alcatraz Brewing Company team, we regret to announce that September 22 was our last day of operations.
After more than a decade of happily serving the community, we are closing our doors.  We thank all of our loyal customers for supporting our passion for creating award-winning, handcrafted beer.
It has been a privilege to serve you.
 That is, as the kids say, "teh suck."

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Hockey Video Game Review: Ice Stars

Hockey between guys with vicious under bites and fangs.
Seems legit.
EA Sports continues to release the premiere hockey game each year for consoles (and formerly for PCs).  Every now and then, I want to play something different.  Some of those games will end up here either as a ringing endorsement or a rant or somewhere in between.

On iTunes, I came across a game from 2009 called "Ice Stars" which sadly did not unite my favorite scenes of Empire Strikes Back and hockey.  In reality, I've had this on my phone for years, and just now decided to write about (off season and all).

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Stadium Music and What it Says About your Arena

Arena music is key part of the hockey game experience. The right song can energize a crowd more effectively than the giant cartoon hands and the words reading "Make some noise" and some weird animation of a 1990's styled volume knob.

As we get ready for the start of the new season, we can all expect some new audio tracks at the rinks all over the league.   So here's some songs/artists/styles of music and what they really represent as you listen to some tunes during the up-coming season.

  • Bell Biv Devoe - "Poison" - Your rink is stuck in the 80's and/or couldn't get the licensing to "99 Red Balloons".
  • Punk cover of 80's pop song - you're trying to be edgy by playing a faster and goofier version of a goofy song without being offensively edgy and trying not to sound goofy.  It's probably not working for you.
  • Don Henley - "Boys of Summer" - Donald Fehr has hijacked the sound board.
  • Ugly Kid Joe - "(I Hate) Everything About You" - Gary Bettman is in attendance. Or your Divison rival. Or if a spotlight is on you, maybe that guy you cut off on the freeway works for your local team in some capacity.
  • The Zamboni's - "I Wanna Drive the Zamboni" - it's intermission or your sound guy has been drinking heavily.
  • Queen - "Bohemian Rhapsody" - there's more hockey hair per capita in the stands than on the ice.
  • Country - you're in Nashville or Calgary.  Or they're visiting.  The song probably features snarky lyrics that will make the visiting team cry if they were actually paying attention to anything besides the game they're being paid to play and/or the ice girls (Craig Anderson only).
  • "Shake Your Money Maker" - Terry Pegula is around and probably makin' it rain.
  • Skee lo - "I Wish (I was a little bit taller)" - You're playing Tampa. Or if in Tampa, you're probably playing buffalo to hurt Nathan Gerbe's feelings. You may also want to check to see if someone has put earmuffs on Martin St. Louis.  There may also be a touch of irony if they play it while showing Zdeno chara or Tyler Myers on the Jumbo Tron.
  • "99 Bottles of Beer on The Wall" - You're in Patrick Kane's stall.
  •  Metallica -this one is tough because of the length of their career and the various styles of wearing all black and screaming into a microphone while playing heavy metal they have encompassed. Basically everything with radio airplay sucks and everything else is cool says your long haired friend wearing an old school Metallica shirt.
  • Marvin Gaye - "Lets get it on" - The cheeky kiss cam is on the jumbo tron which is never a good thing. Unless you're on a date with a girl who won't kiss you unless pressured by 18,000 strangers in which case you get ignored in favor of the adorable 80 year old couple and two players on the visitor bench. But I'm not bitter.
  • "Am I Evil" and/or "Star Wars Imperial March" - Jeremy Jacobs' entrance music.  The smaller person next to him in a black hooded robe may or may not be Gary Bettman.
  • Beatles - "Money (That's What I Want)" - you're at the ticket booth or the concessions.
  • Any Weird Al Parody - you're in an ECHL arena.
  • D.R.I. - Anything from Thrash Zone - You're at Tyler Seguin's apartment.  Wait, that's not supposed to be "Thrash" it's supposed to be "Trash."  
  • Barthezz - "On the Move" - You're playing Phoenix.  This isn't actually true right now since they have a new owner.  But give it a few years for the out clause to kick in and then pick up the remix.
  • Any song from a current/recent EA Sports NHL game - the Music Director doesn't know much about hockey other than wondering why they aren't trying to always pass across the slot for a one-timer.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Not Crafty Cruise Beer Selection

One thing this meal is lacking is a good beer to pair it with.
As anyone who has read this blog periodically knows, I like beer, hockey, and often both of these things together.  And like many craft beer fans, I also enjoy good food and even more so when paired with good beer.  

My family and I were going to Alaska on a Cruise (which is a trip I'd highly recommend to anyone) and I looked online for the cruise line's beer selection. Unfortunately I found a horrifying reminder that craft beer, while growing, is still the minority.  Undeterred I did what any normal person (by my definition at any rate) would do: call and find out what type of beer they offered.

Friday, June 28, 2013

The All-Compliance Buy Out Team

Not saying guys are doing this but...
In addition to the normal free agent and draft day frenzy that follows the Stanley Cup Final like a [expletive] swear filled victory parade this year we get to speculate on who's going to be bought out.  Some of it is less speculation and waiting for the paperwork to clear.  As an aside, I wish they'd give the players giant ceremonial checks, like the ones lottery winners receive, with the payout amounts written on them as a way of shaming of the GM a little.

Laura (@theactivestick) had mentioned how'd it be cool to build an all buy out expansion team and place them in Quebec until Seattle is ready to host an NHL team. Obviously, since neither Gary Bettman or Bill Daly read this blog, they're going to miss this opportunity to do what is both right and absolutely hysterical.  As well, as probably a little marginal and ineffective (although, they really don't need my help doing things like that *cough* Phoenix *cough*).

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Stanley Cup Final Preview: Games 5, 6, and 7* (*If Necessary)

This year's Stanley Cup Final has been one of the most exciting in recent memory so far with back and forth play, great, pretty good, meh goaltending from Chicago and, outside the six-pack let in during game 4, great goaltending and defense from the Bruins.  There's been drama, in 5 overtime periods and a shut out.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Stanley Cup Final - Tale of the Tape

With the 2013 Stanley Cup Final starting Wednesday, there's going to be a lot of articles detailing the finer aspects of the matchup.  This is not one of those posts.

Here's my inaugural tale of the tape looking at the stats that don't seem like they matter, but they really do:

Monday, June 10, 2013

Stanley Cup Final Drinking Game

Well, that was fast.  So much for updating Round three. 

Here's to Round four being a classic as two original six franchises battle for the Stanley Cup.  So in honor of 30 teams that started, to get to the final two standing, here are 30 excuses reasons to drink during each Stanley Cup Final game.

Take a drink when...

1. ...An official makes a bad call or misses a call completely
2. ...You can hear the crowd voice their displeasure over said call/non-call
3. Drink two if they use profanity
4. ...You find yourself in agreement with Mike Milbury.  (This is really more to deaden the pain of realizing that you agreed with a guy who beat a fan with their own shoe).
5. ...The media beats a story to death about the one time a specific player did something stupid.
6. Drink 2 if it involves Patrick Kane and/or alcohol of some sort.
7. ...Not touching the conference championship trophy is mentioned.
8. Drink 2 if a win/loss record for not touching the trophies is mentioned.  (Side rant: If both teams didn't touch their respective trophies, the record of said match-up will be 0.500, by the magic that is math but yet this is somehow important).
9. ...Coaches look stressed/frustrated/angry
10. Drink 2 if you see a coach enjoying his profession.
11. ...If injuries are shown to highlight toughness
12. Just like a double minor, double it up if there's blood. (And pray it's not a montage)
13. ...someone mentions something about Zdeno Chara being kind of on the tall side.
14. ...Anything you can take dirty or want to put the #hockeyporn hashtag on
15. ...At the conclusion of the series if Jeremy Roenick cries
16. ...Darren Pang is enthusiastic and says things like "good stuff" and "holy jumpin'" (if everyone had his love of life, this world would be a much better place).
17. ...Tuuka Rask's inexperience is mentioned
18. ...Crawford's inexpereince is mentioned
19. ...a goalie gets run.
20. Drink 2 if it wasn't by Lucic.
21. ...Any mention of Bryan Bickell getting a tiny little raise in the off-season
22. ...anything with Hossa, his times and record in the Final, instead of his play
23. ...a noted pest is being a pesky pest that drives you drink.
24. ...playoff beards are mentioned.
25. Drink 2 if they player they show has an abysmal beard.
26. ...Boston's trades with Toronto are mentioned. (After your drink buy the quietly sobbing Leafs fan next to you a beer.  (Note: I like IPAs))
27. ...You find yourself singing a goal song after it's stopped.\
28. ...when a certain NHL executive gets booed.  It does not have to be during the trophy presentation.

I know what you're all thinking: What, no Jagr?

29. ...Jagr makes us forget that he's in his 40's.
30. Drink 2 if the mullet magically grows back.

Bonus: If the Sidney Crosby and Penguins are mentioned anytime after Game 1.

Saturday, June 1, 2013

2013 NHL playoffs round 3 drinking game

I apologize for the rough formatting but until I'm back in civilization this will have to do. 

Much like an ill timed vacation, playoffs can take over your life. As we 're down to the NHL's final four, here are some rules for the next round of hockey.  Some make fun of friends who  are no longer with us (Ottawa). 

Drink if Someone has an awful playoff anthem
Drink 2 if they keep using terrible ones from prior rounds
Drink 3 if it features a spartan. 
Drink if a Superstar has a super star effort yet everyone acts surprised
Drink whenever Your twitter feed is filled with more expletives than usual. 
Drink when Someone complains about officiating
Drink 2 if there's a fine
Drink 2 if someone on the other team goes postal the following game and gets penalized/fined
Drink when A lower round rookie looks really good and the scouts get second guessed. 
Drink 2 if its a defenseman or goalie (read: traditionally later developing positions). 
Drink when Someone is complaining about the other team diving.
Drink when The team implicated in diving above responds with "we don't dive. You dive!  You diver, you."
Drink when A good player gets benched
Drink 2 if its not brad Richards. 
Drink The controversial move worked
Drink when Someone makes a gif of an embarrassing mistake. 
Drink It's even more hysterical with words or cartoons added to it.

More to be added later! 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

6* or *9 - Brewery War over Logo Similarities

First off, I must be upfront.  I know just about nothing about the law except mortgage contracts appear to make spotted owls homeless, and People's Court, while a better basis for law than Night Court, isn't exactly the Supreme Court.

I also don't have a dog in this fight, although the Leafs fan in me wants to cheer for the underdog, who I hope won't choke late in the deciding game.  But in the spirit of this blog, let's look at Magic Hat's and West 6th Street's battle over labeling in a lighthearted way.  And while I'd love for the two breweries to hug and make up; please don't band together and sue me.

Monday, May 13, 2013

2013 NHL Playoffs Drinking Game - 2nd Round

Recommended Measuring Cup for a Drink
I was planning on doing one of these per round and now feel even more obligated after the first round made Reddit.  A friend said she was yelling "drink" at people during the Red Wings/Ducks series to the first round match up, which is the right spirit, but that's almost like taking credit for watching a workout video, which incidentally, I do twice a week to help maintain my chiseled physique. And by chiseled, I mean "plush".

But enough about my friend who wasn't drinking.  Do you know who's already started? NBC executives when they try to figure out how to get the Penguins on without showing a Canadian team.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Looking at the Rough First Round for Goalies

"I think I can use this gap to whistle at the Ice Girls."
The position of hockey goaltender is demanding, both physically and mentally.  This years playoffs have had a freakish number of injuries inflicted upon the masked men of the top 16 teams in the NHL (well, 15 of the 16, as someone had to come out of the Southeast this year).

Monday, April 29, 2013

NHL Playoff Drinking Game

On Twitter, Greg Townsend of Goon Report and I started tweeting about a playoffs drinking game.
"Hey Kaner I just got your pregame meal ready."
  There's been plenty of these for specific teams in the past.  I, sort of fondly remember not quite making it through the second period of a Maple Leafs game doing one that had too many rules.

As a general thing, if your drinking game has multiple pages, you're probably going to need a day or two to recover.  That obvious gem of knowledge came my brother and I watching the Star Wars trilogy following a drinking game similar to this. 

Friday, April 26, 2013

Fun things to do to/as a Beer Geek

Your spouse may not like you chasing them around with the paddle.  Trust me.
Brewers and beer geeks can be a fun bunch. This makes sense as this passion is based around a fun beverage. And what better way to have fun with booze than to pull pranks on the unsuspecting. Here's some ideas I had because I don't get out enough.

1. Go to a bar and cap the bottles the bartender serves you. You can do this either to mess with him when he's not looking and sadly point to your capped bottle when he comes back to check on you or if he's looking at you when you're capping it say, "just one for the road."

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Puck: How to Make EA Sports NHL 14 Cover Vote Even More Awkward

NHL 14, the next installment in the long running EA Hockey Series is, once again having a fan voting contest to determine who will have an underwhelming season, get injured, grace the cover.  Each team has been given two representatives to duke it out from locker room bragging rights, and the right to go on to the next round of 32.  (They apparently don't know that the league hasn't expanded yet).

Many notable players aren't on the initial list, which disappoints fans' visions of a "Vote for Rory" ballot for snubbed individuals like Sidney Crosby,Alexander Ovechkin, and Teemu Selanne.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Puck: What if Visors gave an Advantage?

The loudest cry against mandatory visors is that it affects your vision and no one wants to give that up.  Fair enough, although it's probably complete bovine deification considering how many of the league's elite scorers wear them, but let's go with it for right now.  But what if you were trading that disadvantage for an active advantage?  Would more people go for visors?  (Also, since a majority of the league already wears them, this post is about four years late).

Monday, April 15, 2013

NHL Playoff Streaks Ending? Both In and Out

There's two NHL streaks that might end at the end of the month.  Detroit Red Wings' 21 consecutive appearances in the playoffs and the Toronto Maple Leafs' seven year break from even attempting to break their consecutive years without winning a Stanley Cup. One of these two teams, as you could guess, is probably in a little better shape for the long haul.  Hint: They don't wear blue.

Friday, April 12, 2013

When Good Beer Ideas Go Wrong

As brewers push the boundaries there's going to be a few offside calls from time to time.  Sometimes this is from pushing the envelope too far.  Other times it's a direct result of either a bet gone wrong or finalizing your next brew when a few too many into the day or night.

This post will focus on, what I perceive to be, odd combinations for beer.  Some of these work.  And some don't.  And as I've previously said; just because I or anyone else doesn't like it, doesn't mean it's a bad beer.  But most of these were probably met with, "well, it seemed like a good idea at the time" from the brewers after recovering from a two day bender.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Looking Back on the NHL Trade Deadline

This is like Luke kissing Leia weird: Crosby still has all his teeth.
They say you can't accurately judge a trade immediately after it happens.  That's why I waited a week before writing this.  That should be plenty of time to avoid any awkward statistical anomalies like Jaromir Jagr contributing to 100% of his team's offense in his first game.  All one goal of it.

This post is only looking at trades involving NHL players swapping teams so the big moves that sent Martin Erat, Jarome Iginla, and the aforementioned Jagr to a new equipment rooms won't be examined as it's almost impossible to gauge how even these trades will be viewed for several years, or in the case of Erat for Filipe Forsberg, probably next week.  

Friday, April 5, 2013

Hockey Players and the Drinks They Would Be

Hockey and Booze: Perfect Together
Since this blog is dedicated to hockey and beer, it's not much of stretch to push that to other forms of liquor.  Think of beer as a step stone drug to mixed drinks with umbrellas.  Those, naturally, lead you down the dark path of just waking up and drinking cheap whiskey out of a bottle.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Other places Big Beer is Hiding in Plain Sight

Amanda Rykov took and tweeted a picture that the Beer Street Journal as well as most beer and a lot of non-beer sites (including Deadspin) picked up on like the only pretty girl at a party.  Here is the New York Yankee's "Craft Beer Destination":

Monday, April 1, 2013

Hockey Trade I Wish Would Happen on April Fools Day

I attempted to try and explain what I think would be an awesome trade in 140 characters on Twitter.  Didn't work.  I needed at least a good 150.

So, here's the hypothetical trade I'd love to see on April Fools one year.  Which, really can only be during a lockout shortened city when the trade deadline is pushed back this late, but work with me.  It'll happen in 9 years.  Calling it now, if anyone wants to favorite this page.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

EA Hockey: Time Sink and Memories - Version 99

Eric Lindros isn't looking at the puck but at the piece of ice he's going to curl up on after Scott Stevens (not shown) destorys him
While the hockey and gaming world celebrate the 20th anniversary of the influential NHL series of their games I'm going write a few posts highlighting some personal memories of these games. Like most mid-to-late thirties North Americans, I spent a lot of time with EA's hockey series in college and afterwards.  I also didn't date a lot, why do you ask?

NHL Standings - Biggest Surprises and Disappointments (April 1st)

"I wonder if there is an option to add a Senators logo to this beauty," Eugene wondered.
With April 1st being notable for it's practical jokes, it only seems appropriate to take a gander at the NHL's standings as teams enter the stretch drive to the end of the regular season. 

These numbers were generated 3/31 before that days games. I don't expect any of these numbers to change significantly overnight. It's not like teams score more than 6 goals very often.

Starting with the Eastern conference, obviously due to the east coast bias by a west coast blogger and/or alphabetic order.

Eastern Conference 

Biggest Surprise (who deserves a cookie):
Ottawa remaining in the hunt for the Northeast banner despite losing their best player to a nefarious attack from a noted thug.  I'm, of course, referring to Chris Kreider's intentional attack on the defenseless Craig Anderson.  Despite no penalty being called on the play, I'm confident that after Melnyk and his team of forensic scientists finish besmirching the good name less suspended version of Matt Cooke, this minor oversight will also be brought to the league's attention.

Consider that Ottawa has lost Spezza and Karlsson for 30 and 21 games respectively, only being 5 points out of the division lead is impressive especially considering their 6-8 divisional record. 

Biggest Disappointment (who needs a drink):
While it's easy to pick on the surprisingly bad Philadelphia Flyers, like everyone else, I think the biggest disappointment is the Florida Panthers.  With a league trailing goal differential of -37 through 36 games they are 13 goals worse than the next most outscored team, the equally hapless Colorado Avalanche.  Although Colorado has played two less games to get outscored in, if that makes the Panthers faithful feel slightly better.  It shouldn't.  This stat has even improved recently as the Panthers have won their last two games by a total of two goals.

But they're not alone being only two points an equally awful Washington Capital in what looks to be far and away the worst division in the NHL.  Even one of the two teams over 0.500 has a negative goal differential.

Western Conference

Biggest Surprise (who would like a cookie except their coach ate them):
Anaheim Ducks being not only in the lead of the Pacific division, but within striking distance of the now cooled off Blackhawks.  After underachieving both offensively and defensively last year (finishing 11th in the West in both categories) they are sitting 2nd and 6th, respectively finally proving that the problem was definitely a combination of the Alexes (Ovechkin and Semin) in Washington and Randy Carlyle in Anaheim.

Biggest Disappointment (teams with goaltenders that should really wait until after games for those drinks):
Outside of Colorado and Calgary, everyone is pretty much still in the thick of it for a playoff spots.  To put in perspective how much of a traffic jam there is in the middle of the Western conference.  Even 13th place Phoenix Arizona Seattle the Coyotes are only seven points out of being in 5th place.  However, neither of those teams is as disappointing as either Saint Louis and Edmonton.

Edmonton had the unfortunate fortune of having a bounty of high draft picks that were to turn into gold this year as well as having played together in the AHL during the lockout.  This, apparently, only makes your team good on paper, and as we all know, the game isn't played on paper.  It's played on ice, which is both slipperier, colder, and somewhat less forgiving than paper.

The Blues, the league's runner up to the President's Trophy (also known as the "kiss of death if you want to actually win the trophy that matters," and I'm not talking the Lady Byng) can only be described as disappointing.  While no reasonable person would expect them to repeat only losing six of 41 games at home, they've already lost 7 of 16 this season.  Their 15 shut outs and Jennings Trophy winning goaltending seems like a year ago (partly because it was) with this year's squad being plagued by mediocrity, injuries, and a shiny new contract.  But their scoring is up slightly this year, so they have that going for them, which is nice.

Friday, March 29, 2013

Types of Homebrews

My condolences if it's so bad that you're having a hard time deciding between these two beers
If you're lucky (or occasionally unlucky) enough to know a homebrewer, you get the opportunity to try some amazing (or not) beers that few other people get to ever try.  No matter the results, we should never discourage people from continuing to practice this amazing craft.  Even the most pedestrian beers were still the result of hours of slaving over hot stoves, drinking beer, and careful measurements.  Sometimes, not in that order.  And other times spending a wee too much time with one of those steps.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Hockey: Optional Equipment - Visor Edition

There's been a lot of debate recently over making visors mandatory in the NHL.  This is fairly normal after witnessing someone get injured.  You could probably accurately guess the timing of the tsunami of articles written about requiring visors after every notable player has been struck in one of his peepers by a puck or stick at 25 minutes after the event. 

Saturday, March 23, 2013

Odd Statistics: Martin Brodeur Edition

When thinking about the future Hall of Fame goalie Martin Brodeur three things come to mind; his win and shutout records, his being the primary reason hockey fans had to look up what a trapezoid is, and fat jokes (which will never get old, please see Wellwood, Kyle for further evidence).

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Beer Drinking Efficiency

It sounds even hotter in French
As anyone who has read any of the beer related posts here know, I love great craft beer and consider the Big American generic breweries to be the liquid equivalent of the characters in Star Wars Episode I - lacking depth and complexity.  And in the case of Jar Jar Binks - totally dumb but in the case of Natalie Portman totally hot so I'd watch the commercials (and the image to the right might've been the best part of the Episode I advertising campaign, courtesy of Lays Potato Chips).

I need to start out with saying that my brother introduced me to Sierra Nevada Pale Ale, probably the first craft beers I ever had.  Since those days in college, I've become a beer snob and he's become a little more health conscious to where his beer of choice is Michelob Ultra.  Nobody's perfect.  Well, except for Natalie Portman *heavy sigh*.

So one night some friends and I were debating the efficiency of drinking light beer versus good beer.  Using data from sites such as The Efficient Drinker, Real Beer, and Beer 100 and approximate pricing data - I've put together data on beer efficiency by rating some selected beers by calories per hour and cost per hour to maintain a BAC of 0.025, which is about two average beers for a 180 pound male.

1. An adult male will absorb alcohol at the rate of approximately 1 drink per hour, or 0.0125 of BAC (this may be the origin of "the first one's free", but I'm not totally sold on it).
2. Level loaded drinking.  This is beer and you should enjoy it.  If you need to pour it down a funnel, just pour it down the drain and crush the can against your head - it'll feel the same)
3. We want to maintain a BAC of 0.025 which is probably the ideal blood-alcohol mix for optimal bowling, golfing, and playing pool.
4.  There is no safe minimum BAC for karoke or dancing.
5.  Bar prices were estimated and are probably low.  I didn't have time to go hit random bars and ask how much they charge for beer.  I also refuse to order underwhelming beer in a bar.

1.  Light Beer will be less efficient than craft beer based on calories to maintain a BAC of 0.025
2.  Craft Beer will be more cost effective to drink both at home and at a bar based on lower consumption rate
3.  Light beer sucks and is probably just chilled insect urine.

"Wait a second; that third hypothesis is an opinion," you might be saying if you happen to like light beer or value the scientific method.  And you're correct.  However, this is my blog and I hate to be wrong  (which incidentally is why the Internet isn't healthy for me) so I wanted to make sure that I would at least be correct about one thing.

Light beer lovers - don't worry - I'm using math and I won't fudge the numbers.  If I'm wrong, I just won't share the results with my brother.  It'll be our little secret.

I selected a broad varieties of three tiers of beer based on available data (which sadly left some of my favorite breweries on the outside looking in).
1) The big American breweries like Budweiser, Michelob, and Miller
2) The Sub-generic beers like Natural Light and Pabst Blue Ribbon
3) Premium/Craft Beer like Dogfish Head, Sierra Nevada, New Belgium, and Samuel Adams

The Math
I've defined a beer as 12 ounces of 4.5% ABV beverage.  But any alcohol with the same ABV*Volume will work including Nyquil and Coke, if you're fighting a cold.  Since all beers weren't created equal in terms of both flavor and alcohol content, this works out to a percentage of "a beer".   That number goes into the calculation below.

Based on numbers on the University of Notre Dame's website, 0.0125 was extracted as being a single drink.  I subtracted another 0.0125 to represent the alcohol the theoretical drinker absorbed over the one hour they were nursing their beer(s) as stated above.

The Results are below (rendered in 16-bit graphics):

1.) Budweiser Select, Natural Light, and Natural Ice are only available in 12 packs and larger so the costs have been modified accordingly
2) But you can buy a sixer of Pabst, just in case you didn't want to take too much to a party. 
3) Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA is only available in 4-packs so costs have been modified accordingly
4) Bud Select 55 and MGD 64 drinkers, you may seriously want to invest in a beer bong to keep up with the rest of us.
5) This is, obviously, an incomplete list so don't flame me for leaving out your favorite beer.  Several of my favorites are also missing.

After looking over the data...uh...  Well, crud.

Natural Ice is the clear cut winner from both a caloric and cost efficiency point of view.  A quick trip down a very fuzzy memory lane collaborates this data.  Millions of college students can't be wrong.  Ladies and gentlemen, our future is in their hands.  Let's hope they develop taste buds once they get jobs.

Once ignoring the sub-generics, Bud Light Platinum, the flagship of getting bombed while watching that girl-ish figure, is the clear winner with 65 fewer calories per hour than the lowest of the premium beers which was, surprisingly, Red Hook IPA with Newcastle (another shock) and Sam Adams Light close behind.

With due respect to cost efficiency, Sierra Nevada Pale Ale is the winner.  There creates a dilemma - which is better, saving $0.09/hour or 40 calories

Now throwing back some beers with your buds at home while watching the game is one thing.  But let's say you want to publicly embarrass yourself in front of the opposite sex.  Premium beer, based on the averages above, only costs $1.24 more per hour than the Big Brand Beer.  If you're over 22 and looking to get laid, for the love of barley - don't drink Natural freaking Light to save an additional $5.00 per hour.  Have some respect for yourself and those around you.  Grab something that will make a man or a woman say, "that's a successful person with good taste."  Or even better yet, grab the beer you like the best or that pairs with your meal the best, and raise your bottle/can/glass in a toast with your friends.  Prost!

And finally, in conclusion - light beer sucks.

Monday, March 18, 2013

When it's Okay to Jump on the Bandwagon

I work with a lot of people, some of whom are even hockey fans. Among these are a father and son pair who have traditionally both cheered for the Ducks. As the Kings advanced deeper in last year's playoffs, the father started to change his allegiance, even going so far as to reference the Kings in the first person ("our power play", "Saint Louis can't stop us", etc.) which is usually the sign of the either the die-hard or the delusional.  That probably made for some awkward drives home.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

How to Send Your Spouse to Buy Beer

I'm a very lucky man - I married a wonderful, sweet, intelligent, and beautiful young woman.  Hey Honey, this article is about beer and isn't that important, so you can quit reading if you want.  I understand.  I love you too.

Monday, March 11, 2013

The Music That Hockey Arenas Forgot

A good song at a game can amp a crowd up (Pennywise's Bro Hymn), send them running for the exits (Baha Men's - "Who Let the Dogs Out"), or cause the opposing goalie to mentally break down (The Fratellis - Chelsa Dagger).

Thursday, March 7, 2013

R.I.P. - Stompin' Tom Connors

As was reported last night, Stompin' Tom Connors, the author of the "The Hockey Song" and other Canadian hits (I have to shamefully admit I'm not sure if I've heard many of his other songs).

While a cover is, at best, a homage to the original the version below is my favorite version of the song as performed by the Hanson Brothers, better known as NoMeansNo.  They're a Canadian punk band who decided to play under this moniker with Ramones styled songs about beer, girls, and hockey.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Rink Beer and it's Hockey Equivalent

Well, for a first real post I thought I'd stick with something that stays connected with the blog's name - namely hockey and beer.  While I'm going to pick on some beers and hockey players/themes please remember that this is humor and shouldn't be taken as a slight against your favorite beverage/player.  So here we go...

We live in a glorious age of advanced stats, goaltenders wearing sumo suit sized padding, amazingly talented players and arenas stocked with a variety of beer.  There is something for everyone at the rink from the calorie conscious to the hop headed beer snob.  Luckily each beer has its hockey counterpart so here's a little guide to help you navigate the beer lines.

Game Night - 2022 (NSFW version)

Every so often I'm going to post a short story about the past, present, or future of hockey.  This first one is about the future from the point of view of a player.  Enjoy:

Game night tonight. Not that it will probably affect me. Just 60 or 65 minutes riding the pine. Not that I'm complaining.  Being an NHL player is probably the coolest job in the world. I just don't get a lot of ice time. My "line mates", even though it feels odd calling them that since we never skate together, get a bit more but it's usually pretty tough minutes with minimal chance of glory.

Game Night - 2022: ([Expletive] Edited version)

Every so often I'm going to post a short story about the past, present, or future of hockey.  This first one is about the future from the point of view of a player.  This version has all the bad words removed for your workplace enjoyment.  Enjoy:

Game night tonight. Not that it will probably affect me. Just 60 or 65 minutes riding the pine. Not that I'm complaining.  Being an NHL player is probably the coolest job in the world. I just don't get a lot of ice time. My "line mates", even though it feels odd calling them that since we never skate together, get a bit more but it's usually pretty tough minutes with minimal chance of glory.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Welcome to Puck 'n Beer

Welcome to my blog that revolves around hockey and beer.  This is done purely for a creative outlet for my views on random topics.  If you enjoy what you read, tell a friend.  If you hate it, tell a friend (it'll save them from your same unfortunate fate).  If you see spelling/grammatical errors feel free to post it in the comments.  If I get significantly more negative comments than positive I will drink crappy American domestic beer to repent.  Or even the dreaded malt liquor if things really go to hell.