Monday, June 10, 2013

Stanley Cup Final Drinking Game

Well, that was fast.  So much for updating Round three. 

Here's to Round four being a classic as two original six franchises battle for the Stanley Cup.  So in honor of 30 teams that started, to get to the final two standing, here are 30 excuses reasons to drink during each Stanley Cup Final game.

Take a drink when...

1. ...An official makes a bad call or misses a call completely
2. ...You can hear the crowd voice their displeasure over said call/non-call
3. Drink two if they use profanity
4. ...You find yourself in agreement with Mike Milbury.  (This is really more to deaden the pain of realizing that you agreed with a guy who beat a fan with their own shoe).
5. ...The media beats a story to death about the one time a specific player did something stupid.
6. Drink 2 if it involves Patrick Kane and/or alcohol of some sort.
7. ...Not touching the conference championship trophy is mentioned.
8. Drink 2 if a win/loss record for not touching the trophies is mentioned.  (Side rant: If both teams didn't touch their respective trophies, the record of said match-up will be 0.500, by the magic that is math but yet this is somehow important).
9. ...Coaches look stressed/frustrated/angry
10. Drink 2 if you see a coach enjoying his profession.
11. ...If injuries are shown to highlight toughness
12. Just like a double minor, double it up if there's blood. (And pray it's not a montage)
13. ...someone mentions something about Zdeno Chara being kind of on the tall side.
14. ...Anything you can take dirty or want to put the #hockeyporn hashtag on
15. ...At the conclusion of the series if Jeremy Roenick cries
16. ...Darren Pang is enthusiastic and says things like "good stuff" and "holy jumpin'" (if everyone had his love of life, this world would be a much better place).
17. ...Tuuka Rask's inexperience is mentioned
18. ...Crawford's inexpereince is mentioned
19. ...a goalie gets run.
20. Drink 2 if it wasn't by Lucic.
21. ...Any mention of Bryan Bickell getting a tiny little raise in the off-season
22. ...anything with Hossa, his times and record in the Final, instead of his play
23. ...a noted pest is being a pesky pest that drives you drink.
24. ...playoff beards are mentioned.
25. Drink 2 if they player they show has an abysmal beard.
26. ...Boston's trades with Toronto are mentioned. (After your drink buy the quietly sobbing Leafs fan next to you a beer.  (Note: I like IPAs))
27. ...You find yourself singing a goal song after it's stopped.\
28. ...when a certain NHL executive gets booed.  It does not have to be during the trophy presentation.

I know what you're all thinking: What, no Jagr?

29. ...Jagr makes us forget that he's in his 40's.
30. Drink 2 if the mullet magically grows back.

Bonus: If the Sidney Crosby and Penguins are mentioned anytime after Game 1.

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