In addition to the normal free agent and draft day frenzy that follows the Stanley Cup Final like a [expletive] swear filled victory parade this year we get to speculate on who's going to be bought out. Some of it is less speculation and waiting for the paperwork to clear. As an aside, I wish they'd give the players giant ceremonial checks, like the ones lottery winners receive, with the payout amounts written on them as a way of shaming of the GM a little.
Laura (@theactivestick) had mentioned how'd it be cool to build an all buy out expansion team and place them in Quebec until Seattle is ready to host an NHL team. Obviously, since neither Gary Bettman or Bill Daly read this blog, they're going to miss this opportunity to do what is both right and absolutely hysterical. As well, as probably a little marginal and ineffective (although, they really don't need my help doing things like that *cough* Phoenix *cough*).
This year's Stanley Cup Final has been one of the most exciting in recent memory so far with back and forth play, great, pretty good, meh goaltending from Chicago and, outside the six-pack let in during game 4, great goaltending and defense from the Bruins. There's been drama, in 5 overtime periods and a shut out.
Well, that was fast. So much for updating Round three.
Here's to Round four being a classic as two original six franchises battle for the Stanley Cup. So in honor of 30 teams that started, to get to the final two standing, here are 30 excuses reasons to drink during each Stanley Cup Final game.
Take a drink when...
1. ...An official makes a bad call or misses a call completely
2. ...You can hear the crowd voice their displeasure over said call/non-call
3. Drink two if they use profanity
4. ...You find yourself in agreement with Mike Milbury. (This is really more to deaden the pain of realizing that you agreed with a guy who beat a fan with their own shoe).
5. ...The media beats a story to death about the one time a specific player did something stupid.
6. Drink 2 if it involves Patrick Kane and/or alcohol of some sort.
7. ...Not touching the conference championship trophy is mentioned.
8. Drink 2 if a win/loss record for not touching the trophies is mentioned. (Side rant: If both teams didn't touch their respective trophies, the record of said match-up will be 0.500, by the magic that is math but yet this is somehow important).
9. ...Coaches look stressed/frustrated/angry
10. Drink 2 if you see a coach enjoying his profession.
11. ...If injuries are shown to highlight toughness
12. Just like a double minor, double it up if there's blood. (And pray it's not a montage)
13. ...someone mentions something about Zdeno Chara being kind of on the tall side.
14. ...Anything you can take dirty or want to put the #hockeyporn hashtag on
15. ...At the conclusion of the series if Jeremy Roenick cries
16. ...Darren Pang is enthusiastic and says things like "good stuff" and "holy jumpin'" (if everyone had his love of life, this world would be a much better place).
17. ...Tuuka Rask's inexperience is mentioned
18. ...Crawford's inexpereince is mentioned
19. ...a goalie gets run.
20. Drink 2 if it wasn't by Lucic.
21. ...Any mention of Bryan Bickell getting a tiny little raise in the off-season
22. ...anything with Hossa, his times and record in the Final, instead of his play
23. ...a noted pest is being a pesky pest that drives you drink.
24. ...playoff beards are mentioned.
25. Drink 2 if they player they show has an abysmal beard.
26. ...Boston's trades with Toronto are mentioned. (After your drink buy the quietly sobbing Leafs fan next to you a beer. (Note: I like IPAs))
27. ...You find yourself singing a goal song after it's stopped.\
28. ...when a certain NHL executive gets booed. It does not have to be during the trophy presentation.
I know what you're all thinking: What, no Jagr?
29. ...Jagr makes us forget that he's in his 40's.
30. Drink 2 if the mullet magically grows back.
Bonus: If the Sidney Crosby and Penguins are mentioned anytime after Game 1.
I apologize for the rough formatting but until I'm back in civilization this will have to do.
Much like an ill timed vacation, playoffs can take over your life. As we 're down to the NHL's final four, here are some rules for the next round of hockey. Some make fun of friends who are no longer with us (Ottawa).
Drink if Someone has an awful playoff anthem
Drink 2 if they keep using terrible ones from prior rounds
Drink 3 if it features a spartan.
Drink if a Superstar has a super star effort yet everyone acts surprised
Drink whenever Your twitter feed is filled with more expletives than usual.
Drink when Someone complains about officiating
Drink 2 if there's a fine
Drink 2 if someone on the other team goes postal the following game and gets penalized/fined
Drink when A lower round rookie looks really good and the scouts get second guessed.
Drink 2 if its a defenseman or goalie (read: traditionally later developing positions).
Drink when Someone is complaining about the other team diving.
Drink when The team implicated in diving above responds with "we don't dive. You dive! You diver, you."
Drink when A good player gets benched
Drink 2 if its not brad Richards.
Drink The controversial move worked
Drink when Someone makes a gif of an embarrassing mistake.
Drink It's even more hysterical with words or cartoons added to it.