Friday, April 26, 2013

Fun things to do to/as a Beer Geek

Your spouse may not like you chasing them around with the paddle.  Trust me.
Brewers and beer geeks can be a fun bunch. This makes sense as this passion is based around a fun beverage. And what better way to have fun with booze than to pull pranks on the unsuspecting. Here's some ideas I had because I don't get out enough.

1. Go to a bar and cap the bottles the bartender serves you. You can do this either to mess with him when he's not looking and sadly point to your capped bottle when he comes back to check on you or if he's looking at you when you're capping it say, "just one for the road."

2. If you are hosting a tasting event pour something of significantly lower quality than you've been serving (like generic American lager or a malt liquor) and get everyone's reaction. This is a great test to see who's just putting on airs. "Oh this has a subtle hop profile and a crisp finish". "Dude, it's Blatz genuine Draft but thanks for playing."

3. Bring your own glassware to a bar/restaurant and pour your beer into this glass. Be sure to first give a disapproving look at the inappropriate glassware your beer was served in. Note: this only works at places that pour everything into pint glasses.

4. At a restaurant with a limited beer selection. Ask about corking fees for beer. Then bring in either a bottle of great beer or, just for shock value, a 40 oz. of something foul. The more pungent smelling the better. This was inspired by a friend and I wanting to go to Ruth Chris Steakhouse and pay the corking fee for a bottle Cisco Red. And then insist on a champagne bucket to keep it cold.

5. At a beer tasting festival/event. Gargle every beer you taste, insisting that it opens up the flavors. See if anyone else does it. This works best at events where the average person thinks good beer is great because its got more alcohol in it. As a rule of thumb, if the event is doing unlimited 4 oz. pours, this is a great idea. If its the standard 1 to 2 oz. probably not as the educated will just rightfully scoff at you.

6. Order several pints of the same beer and pour them into a growler to go. You can take it to the next level if you add something (wood chips, more hops) to it and claim that you think some aging would benefit this beer.

7. Go into a store with a great craft beer selection and ask for a made up beer like Bubble Duck's Fuzzy Wuzzy Heffy Wezzy.  Please post in the comments what you asked for, if they actually had it.

8. When getting a taster of a beer, pour a little out for your homies that can't be with you. Keep doing this for each sample you try. Find interesting reasons they can't be with you like mauled by a mountain lion while shopping in a Walmart, or run over by a horse on a carousel.  Twice.

9. Order two beers and take notes whole drinking one normally and one through a straw. Use a breathalyzer to validate that you get drunk faster using a straw.  When you get odd looks proudly proclaim, "it's for science!"

10. Order a few different light beers at the same time along with an empty glass. Start mixing them together swearing it improves the overall flavor. Add other ingredients as you see fit. I don't recommend this with craft beer unless its actually a good combination or seems like a good idea. For example, at Firestone Walker a friend asked if their Velvet Merlin oatmeal stout and their 805 lager would make a good Black and Tan. I mixed them together to find out.  It was awful.  I should add that their staff encouraged and was excited (or completely appalled and hid it well) at the idea.  The young lady even looked for a spoon for me to properly float the stout.  (Thank you Firestone Walker - you guys rock!)

11. Pour your craft beer into a beer bong and drink it. This is clearly alcohol abuse and, depending on the beer, asking to get really sick. But, sometimes to make people laugh or appallingly stare at you, some risks must be taken. Also, if you happen to use a strong beer, like Arrogant Bastard, it allegedly feels like your throat is on fire.  According to the friend of the crazy person I heard about doing this.

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