Friday, April 5, 2013

Hockey Players and the Drinks They Would Be

Hockey and Booze: Perfect Together
Since this blog is dedicated to hockey and beer, it's not much of stretch to push that to other forms of liquor.  Think of beer as a step stone drug to mixed drinks with umbrellas.  Those, naturally, lead you down the dark path of just waking up and drinking cheap whiskey out of a bottle.

But umbrellas can also be in found in power play formations.
This will probably be an on-going series as I think of more semi-inappropriate drink-hockey analogies.  So what kind of alcoholic beverages would some current and former NHLers be:

Jaromir Jagr 
Drink: Jager Bomb
Why: Jager and Jagr are a natrual fit.
How is it delivered on the ice: A nasty snipe after skating the puck end to end, mullet flowing in the breeze
How obvious is this: 12 year olds that can't look at Jager without vomiting called this obvious

Dan Carcillo
Drink: Irish Car Bomb
Why: One of his nicknames is "Car Bomb".  Not sure if he's Irish but he fights a lot.
How it's delivered on the ice: Probably with an F-bomb, an insult or both.  Or an elbow aimed at his opponents head.

Max Talbot
Drink: Panty Dropper
Why:  Earlier in his career, this hockey player had a small reputation with the ladies.
How it's delivered on the ice: By being clutch, my friends.  Clutch gets panties dropped.  So I've heard, since I was never clutch.  And if a young lady threw her panties at me now, I'd be in more trouble than Raffi Torres and Matt Cooke after a line brawl started with synchronized flying elbows.

Chris Chelios
Drink: Canadian Zombie
Why: Because he was old, slow, and mean.  And, obviously, Canadian.
How it's delivered on the ice: Slow, mechanical, and ruthless.  And it'll never stop.  It'll never stop.  Well until his contract isn't renewed and then it goes to the AHL and still kicks ass as a 48 year old.

George Parros 
Drink: Beer.  Probably something manly and powerful (like a Double IPA). Or something from this soon to be brewery.
Why: Are you going to say this man is drinking something made with Frangelico, cranberry vodka, or an umbrella?  I'm not.  I'd rather get panties thrown at me by random women while shopping with my lovely and soon to be un-adoring wife.
How it's delivered on the ice: Two ways:
1) A slight tickle from the 'stache before the knuckle sandwich comes in.
2) With insightful and thoughtful commentary that only an Ivy League education can bring to the negotiation table.

Where I could, I linked the player's names to their respective charitable foundations or charities they support.  If you know of a better link for these guys, hit me up and I'll update this.  And, even better, if you have a couple of spare dollars or spare time - let's throw some towards some great causes.


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